Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Inside the Garage of an Evil Mastermind

I would have never guessed that one of the burning questions in people's minds today is, at least according to the Associated Press, "What's in Karl Rove's garage?" Let's take a look at some of the items listed in the AP article:

Some cardboard file boxes stacked one on top of the other, labeled "Box 6," "Box 4" and what appears to be "Box 7." No sign of boxes 1, 2, 3 and 5.

Clearly, these are the boxes of forged documents and misinformation that Karl Rove has released to the press in an attempt to trip them up and ruin their credibility. Obviously, the numbers are the years of President Bush's administration, and he still has "Box 4" because CBS was good enough to provide their own forged documents in 2004. What next?

A rather large wood crate marked "FRAGILE" and painted with arrows indicating which way is up. On top of the crate, two coolers.

I was wondering where this thing was. This must be the Hurricane generation machine that Bush and Cheney have been using in an attempt to kill all the black people, or at least the ones Bush doesn't like.

A snow shovel leaned in front of another cardboard box.

Keep an eye on this shovel! I suspect it will be an important piece of evidence when investigating why the Harriet Miers nomination had to be withdrawn due to a sudden "accident".

What appear to be paint cans stacked alongside a folded, folding chair.

A tall aluminum ladder.

Rove used these items while painting the Mission Accomplished sign aboard the USS Abraham Lincoln. I don't yet understand the significance of the folding chair. He clearly doesn't use it for tanning.

Wicker baskets inside of wicker baskets on top of a shelf running the length of the rear wall. Transparent plastic storage bins crammed with indiscernible stuff. Another cardboard box.

In one corner, the rear wheel of a bicycle sticks out, along with what appears to be a helmet.

Another ladder, this one green, leaning sideways.

They discovered it! Darlene Superville, start making room on the mantle for the Peabody Award! These are the components of the super-secret, ultra-diabolical magneto-kinetic disenfranchisement transponder unit (a.k.a. The Diebold 9000). This is the contraption that allowed George W. Bush to suddenly and mysteriously defeat John Kerry on election night. Well, this and about thousands of Diebold AccuVote electronic balloting machines.

With stories like this, I can only thank God for the good fortune to be able to spend another fine day basking in the fruits of award-winning journalism.


Blogger Mike said...

The box marked "Fragile" holds the porcelain lamp of the woman's leg in fishnet stockings from the movie "A Christmas Story".

Fra-geel-ee...It must be French!

6:25 AM  
Blogger Simple American said...

I more concerned about box #8. This should be the major focus. No right wing conservative master mind would have an uneven number of boxes.

Found you at the Deep Freeze btw.

10:24 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

SA, bookmark this guy. Check this blog every day. It is required reading. This guy blows my mind with his posts. I've said it before. I am in awe of his research skills.

Good to have you back, man.

1:38 PM  
Blogger Simple American said...

I'll do that. Very interesting in deed.

1:10 PM  

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